His warm hands are put firmly on my hips and he pulls me closer. I can feel his breath against my forehead, and then his soft lips brushing gently against it. His grip tightens before he reaches one hand to my chin. Tenderly he moves my head up so it faces him, then he leans in. Closer… closer… Slowly, oh, so slowly…

It's tearing me apart. My heart races like crazy, and my lips screams for his touch. My blood is boiling. I want him. I want him now. Why is he torturing me like this?

Finally our lips meet. An ecstasy of pleasure pours through me, and I can feel the hand he still has on my hip is tightening, pulling me even closer. He opens his mouth ever so slightly, and I my tongue sink into it. A moan escapes my lips, and my body starts to shudder.

Is this how it feels when you've wanted something for so long and finally gets it?

My hands that before just hung at my sides reach his waist, and his hands are placed behind my head at my neck. Have I ever told him that my neck is my absolute erogenous zone? I actually think so. I at least have told him that I'm sensitive there.

We part only to take our breaths before he leads me forward and down on his couch. The fabric feels soft and cool against my back that's halfway naked since my t-shirt has slid up.

He climbs over me, and our lips meet again. His right hand finds its way down to my pants…

… and it's then I wake up.

The disappointment I feel is like a train hitting my face. I sit up panting, my forehead all sweaty. I slid off the blanket and find out that my entire body is soaked in sweat. I try to steady my breath and look down at the area where my legs are meeting. It's all but soft.

I groan and lie down again.

Since when did I start to dream erotic dreams involving boys? Or more specifically, involving him?

***

There is a high possibility that I'm in love with the school's worst troublemaker. It took me a long while to realize, and it was hard, because realizing it was the same as accepting that I am gay.

I remember meeting him once in the end of November. It was then I might have figured out that I started to have a crush on this… troublemaker, Avery. I don't remember where I'd been, but I was walking outside. It was late, cold and quiet. Thus, perfect for me. I enjoy being outside alone when it's dark.

Immersed in my internal ramblings, I didn't notice him until I accidentally bumped straight into him. We were nearby Bounce, a club lying on the outside of the city. The only sources of light were from the streetlamps twenty metres away and the neon lights from the club.

Without looking who it was, I started to stutter my apologies just like a kid would apologize to his parent that he'd broken a vase. Finally looking up, I saw who it was, or more specifically, his face. A smile was drawn from ear to ear, and his dark eyes shone. The colourful striped hoodie he used as a jacked wasn't to be mistaken.

The narrow lips parted, and he said in a chuckle, as if it was a joke — as if I was a joke, "Hey, dude… No worries."

I don't think I've been more embarrassed in my entire life.

"So, what're you doin' out here this late? Could be dangerous," he said matter-of-factly and ran a hand through his maroon hair. I blushed and looked down on his shoes, which were gray Converses. The white laces weren't tied; they were just stuffed inside his shoes so they wouldn't get in the way. On the side of the right shoe his name was written with a marker. Avery. On the left shoe it read, "If you read this, I'm about to kick your ass."

"Hey, Stutter-boy... I'm talking to ya'."

Stutter-boy. Nickname number one that I would receive from him. His voice snapped me out of my embarrassed shoe reading.

"I — I'm sorry, I just…" Words failed me, and I could feel the heat rise to my face again. "I-I'm just out for a w-walk." That was the truth, but at the same moment I'd said that, I regretted it. Why? Well, say it out loud and think about how stupid, and not least how lame it must sound in my given situation.

"A walk…?" he said as if he couldn't believe his ears. I didn't avert my eyes from his shoes, the rock beside him — from everywhere but at him.

"That sounds, err, interesting..." He was silent a long while and looked down. With a start he looked back up at me with wide eyes, as if he just had discovered a dinosaur in his backyard.

"Hey, aren't you in my English class?" he said as if he couldn't believe it — in a positive way, something that was very much unlikely. And yes I am. But to him and most other people except my one friend Abel, I'm invisible. I'm a ghost. So why had he noticed, then?

"Think so," I murmured. The truth is that I didn't "think so". I knew it, and I knew it by heart. Every class I would look after him for a reason unknown for me, and most of the classes I would get disappointed (again for an unknown reason) because he didn't bother attending. He hates English (and most other subjects except P.E.). English is perhaps my best subject, on line with science.

"I knew it," he said and grinned, proud of himself. That confused me more. Did he just say that he knew it? Had he actually noticed me those few times he actually did attend?

I mentally slapped myself for being stupid. There was no chance I could allow myself to think that way. It shouldn't be a big achievement for me to be noticed, and at least not by him. I had to quit this stupidity right away. What I was doing was the first sign of having a crush, and there was no chance in hell I could have a crush on him, could it? I mean; he's a guy! It couldn't possibly be. Right?

A dark BMW swung from a road fifty metres away and parked in front of the pavement where Avery and I stood. He turned to me and nodded.

"Ralph's here to pick me up, so…" he said and nodded towards the car. Ralph is his father. "… I'll see ya at school."

With that he jogged to the dark BMW, opened the passenger's door and jumped inside the car. It immediately started driving and steered out of the street with a hazardous speed.

Did he actually say, "See ya at school"? Was he serious, or just using a common phrase?

I would know later.